why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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