Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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