Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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