I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
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