Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
