just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Randomize
