Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she peed on how many people?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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