As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
