it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Never underestimate the power of titties
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