The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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