I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
