Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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