I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
