Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
