I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Ladies don't puke and tell
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
