Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i dont even know how to be here
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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