theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
