can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Non-Jews are for practice
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize