dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Randomize
