at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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