don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
