Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
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