I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
