It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
