I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
