Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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