Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
