My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
