It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
