In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
