There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
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