you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
