the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
