Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
You smell like stripper and shame
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
