i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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