i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
