Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
