I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
