So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize