plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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