You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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