i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
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