the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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