laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
