Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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