Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's the barista slut.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
