I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
