I smell stomach acid.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
