Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
