yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
