I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
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