i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
