so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
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