i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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