I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
