Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
