i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
