New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize