like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Randomize
