I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
