This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
