...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
