my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
