I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He had one of those small greek statue penises
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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