So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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