He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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