Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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