Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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