We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
