If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
