Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
