Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
