this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
