I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
