sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
