I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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